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I can store my favorites now, many of which I refer back to and read again and again. My life never felt good enough but now I have this to turn to in my everyday rollercoaster of life. I dare you to call up a random restaurant and tell the hostess a dirty joke. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.

How is a woman like a road? They both have manholes. Why are men like diapers? What type of bird gives the best head? A swallow. A warm bush. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy. What should you do if you come across an elephant? Apologize and wipe it off. What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? They both hate pussies. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this shit. Your job still sucks. What do you call a cheap circumcision A rip-off.

They both stick their meat in year-old buns. How come we spend so little time together? What do you call two men fighting over a slut? Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger? What do you call an incestuous nephew?

An aunt-eater. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear. What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair. How is being in the military like getting a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What do women and noodles have in common? Both wiggle when you eat them. A white Christmas. A rabbi cuts them off. A priest sucks them off.

What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?

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A tearjerker. What did one broke hooker say to the other? Q: Why was the mermaid wearing sea shells? A: Her boobs were too big for B shells.

Q: Why did God give women boobs and nipples? A: To make suckers out of men! What do call the moisture on Dolly Parton's chest? Mountain Dew Q: What do you call that patch of hair between an old ladys tits? A: Her snatch. Q: What does Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman have in common? A: If you take away the legs and the breast you're left with a smelly greasy box?

Q: Why did the Blonde have square boobs? A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

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Q: Whats big black, inside of a women, and is usually near their boobs? A: Tumors Q: When does a waitress wear a bikini?

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A: In a breasteraunt. Q: What do you call a white girl without boobs? A: Justin Bieber Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented? A: To separate the hairy from the dairy.

Oct 30,   As long as there've been boobs, there's been boob troubles. Sweat, bras, size worries, weird clothes, just to name a few. And as long as there's been boob troubles, there've been jokes about those boob troubles. If.

Q: What is America's favorite pastime? A: Tits, Clits and Base Hits. Q: Why don't nuns wear bras? A: God supports everything.

Q: Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips? A: You open it and its half empty Q: What do you call a woman with only one boob?

Family Guy - Lois wants Stewie

A: One in a Melon. Q: When is the last time most overweight men have touched a breast? A: you create an asteroid.

I was once slapped in the face by a girl with twelve nipples. Sounds weird, dozen tit? College Football games are like boobs.

56 Boob Jokes That'll Make You Laugh Your Boobs Off If You Have Boobs.

Big or small, they're both great; Except when they're lopsided. Boy: If you had no legs, would you wear socks? Girl: No. Boy: Then why do you wear a bra when you have no boobs? Boy asks his new hot step mother: "What do you feed your baby? The editor specifically told her they can't print the words breast or boobs. The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her.

Drunk Blonde A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn. A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn. A few minutes later, she waves him over again and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn.

Second off, it's martini, not marhini. And third, you don't have heartburn, your boob is in the ashtray. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'. The redhead won and the brunette came in second.

Jan 15,   Funny Dirty Jokes; Free Dirty Short Jokes; Drunk Jokes; Boyfriend Jokes; Booty Jokes; Boob Jokes; Blowjob Jokes; Bikini Jokes; Alien Wife Swap Joke; Best Game Of Thrones Pick Up Lines; Top 50 Dirty Pick Up Lines; Best Hunger Games Jokes; Best Hunger Games Pick Up Lines; Best New Years Pick Up Lines; Best Cheesy Pick Up Lines Best Break Up Lines. Boob One Liners I love you with all my boobs, I would say heart, but my boobs are bigger. Twin Peaks is just one giant boob joke. Boobs are like women. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake. But we'd touch em' all. My boobs are having a hard time deciding what they want to be when they grow up Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake. 26 Jokes That Will Make Anyone With Boobs Laugh Way Harder Than They Should "i met a girl with 12 nipples sounds funny dozen tit." Posted on September 09, , GMT Gena-mour Barrett.

However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived. The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her.

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They embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered, "I hate to be a sore loser, but I think those other girls used their arms. Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles,grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother" Forehead John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway?

It"s been flickering for weeks now". He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead?

I don"t think so". Fine, then the wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won"t close right " To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Kenmore written on my forehead? They are about to break " "I"m not a carpenter and I don"t want to fix steps". He says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don"t think so I"ve had enough of you.

I"m going to the bar! As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either give him a titty fuck or bake a cake". He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake? Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don"t think so! Twin Peaks is just one giant boob joke. Boobs are like women. Some are big, some are small.

Some are real and some are fake. But we'd touch em' all. My boobs are having a hard time deciding what they want to be when they grow up Fake tan. Fake boobs.

Dirty boob jokes

Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man. My breast intentions keep making a mess of things If it weren't for nipples, boobs would be pointless.

Booby trap backwards equals party boob. My wife was so happy to hear how much I donate to charity

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